Cupid and Gold sparks
by seanbiggerstaffrox
Summary: Ron probably should have known something was wrong when Dumbledore decided to dress him in drag for the remainder of the school year. Slash Ronvarious
1. Chapter 1

A/N: I've been working on so many of my serious stories lately I figured I'd take a break and right a silly one before finishing and updating chapters for the others. I'll have about 4 or five new stories posted in the next month as well.

Ron stared down at his school uniform in disgust.

"Dumbledore's lost his mind!"

"Ron quit complaining!"

"He's lost his bloody mind!"

"Ron, it's not that bad!"

"Not that bad!! NOT THAT BAD!! LOOK WHAT I HAVE TO WEAR!!!" Ron screamed.

"Ron, it'll be fine."

"Easy for you to say!!!" Ron yelled.

"Look, Ron, I'm sure there's an explanation for this."

Ron glared at Harry and collapsed onto the bed.

Lying beside him was his school uniform; a plaid skirt, a lacey pink tank top, and a tie (red and gold).

"Spaghetti straps, Harry, spaghetti!!" Ron cried, holding up the tank top.

A pecking at the window caught Harry's attention. He went over to let the owl in, all the while Ron complaining in the background.

"- I mean come on Harry, what possible reason could he have for making me-"

"It's for you." Harry said, trying to hand him the letter.

"-not even a girl. Besides how could this possibly be considered-"

"RON!" Harry yelled.

"What?" Ron said, looking shocked by the interruption.

"It's for you." He said, showing him the letter.

"Oh, I don't want it." Ron grumbled, lying back on his bed with his hands over his eyes.

Harry rolled his eyes and opened the letter.

"Dear Ronald Weasley,

It has come to my attention recently that crude and inappropriate jokes have been made about gays and cross-gender dressing. So, in order to solve the problem I have decided that you should dress like a girl and promote acceptance of Drag queens and homosexuals. You will perform once a week in a 'Drag' Show! I picked you because I randomly selected a name from the hat and you were the lucky pick.

Sincerely,

Dumbledore

Wow, he really has lost his mind." Harry muttered.

Ron sat on the bed rocking back and forth.

"Shit, shit, shit, shit, shit, shit!" Ron screamed jumping towards the window.

Harry grabbed Ron and pulled him back.

"Pull yourself together man!" Harry screamed, slapping Ron across the face.

Ron awoke the next day and shoved his head under the pillow.

"Ron! Ron, you have to get up!" Harry said.

"No!"

"Ron, come on!"

"I don't wanna."

"Ron, seriously!"

"NO!"

"Guys, could you help." Harry begged.

Seamus, Dean, and Neville grumbled but came over none the less.

"Ron, GET UP!"

"No!"

"GET UP NOW!"

"NO! And you can't make me!"

Seamus and Dean looked at each other and nodded. Each grabbed one of his ankles and started pulling on his ankles. Ron immediately grabbed onto the bed posts with his hands and held on tight.

"NOOOO! HERMIONE HELP MEEEEEEEEEEEEE!!!"

"What the hell is going on?!" Hermione exclaimed. Her eyes grew wide when she saw what was going.

Of course, they all knew why Ron didn't want to get up. Dumbledore had announced it during Dinner. Unknown to Ron many were anticipating him in girls clothing, including Hermione.

"Come on Ron, you're going to have to get up sometime Ron." Hermione reasoned. When Ron continued to grasp at his bedposts she sighed. "Ron, come on, let go."

"NO!"

"Go on boys." She said, sighing.

Harry and Neville grabbed on to his hands and tugged, pulling at his fingers. Ron's grip loosened and with one final tug from Seamus and Dean he let go altogether.

"Ron, Get up and get dressed, or we can dress you if you want." Seamus whispered suggestively into his ear.

"I can do it myself." Ron said, eyes wide.

Getting up tentatively Ron went to his closet and grabbed his clothes and the pink knee high heeled boots that came with it.

"I'm going into the bathroom." He grumbled.

When he got into the bathroom he took a quick shower and pulled on some briefs, all the while hands shaking.

'_I can't believe I'm doing this.'_

Ron reached for the mini skirt and pulled it on. It fit alright but it felt really weird. Ron's back tensed as he pulled on the tank top which hugged his skin tightly and only covered up a few inches of his chest, the rest exposed. Hands shaking more than ever he pulled on the pink heels and zipped them up, one at a time. Lastly came the tie, feeling foreign wrapped around his neck with no button up shirt.

"I will never forgive Dumbledore." Ron muttered when the outfit was on.

He refused to look at himself in the mirror as he walked, ungracefully, out of the room.

His dorm mates whistled and catcalled and he shot glares at them, almost crying in frustration.

"Leave him alone guys." Hermione warned.

Looking at him critically she let out a 'Hmmm' and reached into her pocket. She pulled out some lip gloss and a scrunchy.

Ron looked at her with wide eyes.

"What are those for?" He squeaked.

"Oh, Ron, relax."

She walked towards him and grabbed his hair.

"Ahh, what are you going to do."

"I'm just putting it up, now stop struggling." She said, casting a hair lengthening spell on him.

When she was finished Ron's now few-inches-below-the-shoulder length red hair was in a ponytail, his bangs hanging in front of his face, and a light pink gloss was coating his lips.

"Wow, Ron, you look hot!" Seamus exclaimed as the rest of the boys stared at him in shock.

Ron groaned.

"Let's just go to breakfast." Ron grumbled and tried his best not to stumble as he walked towards the door. "God, I hate these shoes." Ron muttered and opened the door.

Luckily, or unluckily depending on how you looked at it, by that time most people had gone to breakfast. On the bright side it meant that there were less people in the common room to gape at him. On the not-so-bright side it meant there were more people in the great hall. Ron unsteadily walked down the stairs, his dorm mates and Hermione following. The few people that were in the common room stared at him in shock and amusement, whispering to each other and pointing.

"Oh, take a picture, it'll last longer." Ron exclaimed, sending a glare to them.

Stomping out of the common room he wandered down the hallway, slowing as he approached the Great Hall.

"Ron, you okay?" Hermione asked while Seamus, Neville, Harry, and Dean surrounded him, forming a sort of protective circle.

Ron let out a long breath and nodded.

Ron's heart pounded in his chest and he seemed to have trouble breathing as Hermione turned the knob. Everything from then on seemed to pass in slow motion. Hermione pushed the door open and everyone stopped there excited chatter as the group walked into the hall. The silence was deafening as everyone stared at Ron.

Ron sighed and kept walking to the table. Sitting down he looked at his hands, aware of the many stares still on him.

"Alright everyone, get back to your meals." Hermione's voice rang through the hall.

Ron looked up and could see that even though people started chatting and eating again glances were thrown his way constantly. Still, it was better than the outright staring.

"Thanks." Ron muttered, and pulled awkwardly at his skirt, which was riding up.

The rest of the day seemed to go much the same. People were too shocked to make any comments, even the Slytherins.


	2. Potions

For those of you who reviewed and wanted to know my response, well, here goes:

Talley67: Thank you, I was in a very Ron-in-drag sort of mood. Actually I always am but….uh…then I acted on it! Also, yay, first person to review, have a cookie!!...and anything else you want! Take all the treats in the WORLD! Mwa ha ha ha…..CRAZY….sorry, didn't take my meds.

Lalala: Yay!! I'm glad that came across in the writing. In most stories I've read Ron's a top, so I was like 'He should be a bottom'! So, yeah! Have a giant colossal cookie!!! In fact have any treat you want. You know what, why don't all the reviewers just binge on candy!

Midnight808: Never fear, I will always try to update soon. coughSortofcough

Mama: Thank you!!! You guys go binge on candy too, you and Lalala and Talley67 (you're included in this too Midnight808) can have a candy binging party, go ahead….you know you want to!

And now, since I have probably scared off all my reviewers anyway, here's the second chapter!!!!!! Ah, yes, and I have included a little present in there for all you Slash lovers!!

Admittedly Ron should have known this day was going to be bad when he was woken up at 6:00 am He also should have known it was a bad day when he found two House elves in his room waiting to give him a make-over. And, as if that wasn't bad enough, Dumbledore was with them.

"What the hell?!" Ron exclaimed as giant brown eyes stared down at him. "Dobby?"

"Master Weezy!" Dobby exclaimed and Ron saw that he was still wearing the sweater he'd given him in 5th year. "Master Weezy, Master Weezy, we is here to give you a makeover!"

"A what?" Ron muttered.

"Well, you looked good yesterday but today we thought we'd go medieval." Dumbledore said, holding up a short sleeved red dress with puffy sleeves. (A/N: think of those dresses little girls wear) Ruby silk cloth with a gold pattern started at where the top of the breast would be and stopped where it would end. From there a soft, felt fabric, colored deep red, flowed down to the ankles. It was indeed a beautiful dress and would have looked splendid on a girl but Ron blanched at the idea of wearing it himself.

"And how am I supposed to fit in that?" Ron squeaked.

"It's magically designed to grow or shrink in order to fit the person's body. Go on, put it on."

"Can't I shower-"

"NO! Now put the dress on!" Dumbledore ordered.

Ron, wide eyed and slightly unnerved, grabbed the dress and walked towards the bathroom.

"HURRY UP!" Dumbledore shouted.

Ron jumped and walked faster.

Slipping into the bathroom he quickly took off his pajamas and slipped the dress on. Just as Dumbledore said at stretched just enough for Ron to fit in it. The sleeves fit around his shoulders perfectly and the skirt draped around his stomach and legs perfectly, ending right at the ankles. The top however showed off his chest, but Ron suspected that it was made that way.

Ron walked out of the bathroom.

"Ah, Perfect." Dumbledore sighed. "Forgive me for rushing you Mr. Weasley but I have a meeting with Mr. Black in an hour and I'd like to be on time. Now, for the hair!"

Dobby and another house elf that Ron didn't know dragged him to a seat and sat him down. A sink and hair products appeared behind him and they leaned him back, rinsing and cleaning his hair, which was still lengthened from yesterday. They wrapped a towel around his top and began trimming his hair.

15 minutes later Ron's hair was curled styled very much like a brides, the curls hanging down to his neck and held like a ponytail by various clips, camouflaged in his hair. Little pearls lay in his ruby locks, sparkling and glowing in the light.

Dobby then put some clear sparkly lip gloss and pink eye shadow. All in all the effect was fantastic. Ron was slightly surprised that his dorm mates stayed asleep through it all.

"I put silencing charms on there beds." Dumbledore said, reading his mind. "I'll just remove them and be on my way. They should be waking up soon." With that said Dumbledore waved his wand then left the room.

"Shouldn't you guys be going too?" Ron asked the house elves.

"We will Master Weezy. We just need to give you your shoes first." Dobby snapped his fingers and in his hand appeared two pure-white colored heels. They weren't very tall, the heel rising about an inch, and they had elegant straps that accentuated the feet instead of covering them. Dobby set them down then the two house elves apparated out of the room with a loud crack.

Ron bent down and slipped the shoes on, just as his dorm mates were starting to wake.

Harry sat up in his bed, opening the curtain only to tumble out at the sight of Ron.

"Harry, are you okay?" Ron asked with concern.

"Whoa, Ron, you look…..really……different." Harry said, staring at Ron with wide eyes.

"You think?" Ron asked with sarcasm. "Dumbledore woke me up at 6 am to give me a makeover! I swear he'd insane! Harry? HARRY!! Are you even listening to me?!" Ron asked.

Harry just stared up at him in shock.

"Oh, come on!" Ron said, grabbing Harry's hand and trying to pull him up.

Ron sighed then walked over to the desk. He was more elegant now since he was getting used to the feel of the heels. Grabbing the water pitcher he walked over to Harry and dumped it over his head.

"AHHH!!" Harry screamed, getting the attention of the other people in the dorm. "What did you do that for?!"

"You wouldn't get up off the floor." Ron said, shrugging. "Now hurry up, I'm hungry!"

"You know, for a maiden you're kind of mean." Harry pouted, grabbing some clothes and going in to the bathroom.

"Whoa, Ron!!! Nice." Seamus whistled, slapping Ron's butt and going into the bathroom to take a shower.

Dean and Neville just gaped at him.

"I'll go….wait on the stairs." Ron muttered, freaked out by the staring.

Walking out the door he sat on the stairs, leaning against the railing. He picked at the red carpet covering the stairs and thought about everything going on recently. It had only been a day and already Ron was sick of everything! Maybe he could write to his parents, of course they would just agree with Dumbledore over the situation. Percy wasn't an option, he'd just tell him to concentrate on his studies and everything would work out. Fred and George would just laugh then come back to finish their 7th year just to see Ron in a dress. Charlie and Bill already had their own problems and anybody else Ron could think off was far too busy to concern themselves with something like this. Ron sighed and figured he'd just have to deal with it on his own for the time being.

"You ready to go?" Harry asked.

Ron looked up at him and nodded.

Pulling himself up he walked down the stairs, Harry beside him.

"Oh god, we have double potions today." Harry groaned.

Ron, who'd completely forgotten looked at Harry in horror.

"Double potions!" He squeaked. "With the Slytherins? Like this?" Ron said, gesturing to himself.

"Oh, that sucks mate!"

"Oh, I forgot. Dumbledore has a meeting this morning with Sirius." Ron said, forgetting about Potions class for the time being. He knew Harry just said that to get rid of the awkward silence that had fallen between them.

"He did? You think he might give him the Defense Against the Dark Arts job?" Harry asked excitedly.

The DADA job had been open for months now. Remus had been subbing for the time being but he'd made it clear that he wouldn't take it permanently. None of the students understood why but after Remus had given detention to a student for asking him too much they'd quit bugging him about it.

Ron would be sad to see Remus go but if anyone were to replace him Sirius was definitely his first choice.

"I don't know but that would be cool wouldn't it?" Ron said and the rest of the trip to the Great Hall was spent talking excitedly about Sirius being the next DADA professor.

When the reached the doors to the great hall Ron took a deep breath and pushed open the door. Silence fell for a few seconds and then whistles and catcalls exploded around the great hall. Ron sighed and made his way to the Gryffindor table, where the cheering was the loudest.

Ron quickly found Hermione and collapsed in the seat next to her.

"Ron, what happened?" Hermione exclaimed.

"Dumbledore happened." Ron growled. "Blasted wizard woke me up at 6 am and gave me a stupid makeover."

Hermione looked at Harry questioningly.

"The tiredness is kicking in." Harry whispered.

"Ahhhh." Hermione said knowingly.

"Ron, you look….hot." Ginny said, sitting down next to Harry.

Ron glared at her.

"What, you do! I couldn't pull off that outfit half as well as you."

"Come on Ginny, you'd look great in that outfit!" Hermione said.

"What do you think Harry?" Ginny said, nudging him.

"Oh…you'd look….nice." Harry said blushing.

Ron rolled his eyes and grabbed a piece of toast.

"Really?" Ginny asked.

"….Yeah…." Harry said, going even redder.

"Oh, for god sakes! Just ask her out already!" Ron yelled.

Harry, Hermione, and Ginny looked over at him in shock.

"What?" Ron asked.

There shock turned to amusement and they struggled to hide their smiles.

"What?"

"cough Ron…" Hermione said, gesturing behind him.

Ron turned and jumped when he saw Seamus, Neville, and Dean down on one knee and each holding a bouquet of flowers.

"For you, my love." Seamus said dramatically.

"These are also from him, we're just helping." Dean grumbled and Neville nodded.

Everyone in the hall was looking from them to Ron whispering to one another.

Ron was frozen with shock; closing his eyes he began thinking to himself: _'If you close your eyes they'll go away, if you close your eyes they'll go away, if you close your eyes they'll go away.'_

Taking a deep breath he opened his eyes only to see Seamus and the others still kneeling in front of him.

"Dammit." Ron cursed.

"Could you take the flowers, this kind of hurts?" Dean asked through clenched teeth.

Sighing Ron took the flowers from each of them. The whispering around the hall escalated around him.

"Yes! You took the flowers, which means you'll go out with me!!!" Seamus exclaimed, reclaiming the attention of everyone in the great hall.

"What?!" Ron asked in shock.

"Read the card." Seamus instructed.

Ron looked down and saw a card lying on top of the middle bouquet. Setting the other flowers down he picked up the card and read it.

_I know you'll go out with me if you take these flowers._

"Crap." Ron muttered and Seamus threw his arms around him, pulling him into his lap.

Hermione smiled over at them and looked back down at her breakfast. Ron struggled to get out of his lap but Seamus wouldn't let go.

Ron hated to admit it but he actually found it kind of endearing, plus he was too tired to care at the moment. Settling back into Seamus he decided to relax and get comfortable.

"Could you pass me the toast, love?" Seamus asked Ron and Ron did so, yawning as he handed it to him. "Tired?"

Ron nodded. Seamus settled Ron's head on his shoulder. The warmth of Seamus' shoulder and his steady breathing lulled Ron to sleep.

"Oh my god, that's so cute." Hermione said to Ginny who nodded as Ron lay, curled up in Seamus' lap, head tucked into his neck. Ron shivered slightly and Seamus wrapped his arms around him. Dean furrowed his brow in thought when he caught the loving smile Seamus sent Ron's way as he held him close.

Ron awoke to someone calling his name and shaking him slightly. Lifting his head he saw that it was Seamus.

"It's time to go to class."

"Wha-Oh! Yes, off to class we go." Ron said, still in a sleepy daze. Ron moved around, attempting to get up.

Seamus giggled and writhed as Ron's constant movements tickled him.

"Ron! Stop!" Seamus gasped, grabbing onto Ron's hips.

Ron froze as he felt Seamus' hands on his hips. Ron was aware of just how compromising there position was. His legs were on each side of Seamus' hips, the skirt riding up, and his hands were on Seamus' shoulders to balance himself. Squeashed between the table and Seamus he felt Seamus' lap vibrate against his as Seamus continued to chuckle.

Seamus chuckles died away and he stared up at Ron, flushed and breathing slightly harder. Due to the hardness pressing into his lap he had a pretty good idea why. Leaning forward he pressed his lips against Ron's, kissing him passionately.

A sharp flick to the back of his head brought Seamus back to reality and he turned to see Draco Malfoy standing behind him.

"As a prefect I'm afraid I'm going to have to give you detention for inappropriate displays of affection in a public area." Malfoy sneered, smirking.

"Then I'm afraid I'm going to have to give you detention to Malfoy, for violence on another student." Ron said, smiling sweetly.

"What?" Even Malfoy was shocked by that. It was unusual for Ron to stand up to Malfoy without an insult or punch.

"You flicked Seamus." Ron pointed out.

"That's not violence."

"Seamus, did it hurt?" Ron asked.

"More than anything! Oh the pain!!!" Seamus exclaimed dramatically, rubbing his head and pouting.

"See, he's in pain, that makes it violence!" Ron said and Malfoy glared. "6:00 pm, Friday, Filch's office."

"You can't do that, its quidditch!" Malfoy yelled angrily.

"Well that's just too bad Malfoy. You should think before you go hurting other people." Ron sneered and Malfoy walked away in a huff.

Ron walked into the potions classroom, plopping down in the back of the room. Seamus sat down next to him.

"Hey, babe." Seamus said, slipping his hand into Ron's.

"Hey, Seamus." Ron said, grinning and gripping Seamus' hand.

"Silence! Instructions are on the board! Shut up and choose a partner!" Snape ordered, glaring at the class.

"Do you-" Ron started before a hand grabbed his shoulder.

"Weasley, come with me."

"Malfoy, what-" Ron muttered.

"Just do it!" Malfoy said.

Ron looked back to Seamus only to see that he'd already partnered up with Lavender Brown. Frowning slightly he turned back to Malfoy who was dragging him by the wrist.

"I can't miss that quidditch practice, Weasley." Malfoy whispered, pulling out a cauldron and setting it up.

Ron started getting ingredients out of his bag.

"You should have thought of that earlier." Ron hissed back.

"Look Weasley, I'll take away your detention if you take away mine.

'_Was he really bargaining?' _As much as Ron liked having the upper hand he figured Malfoy had to be pretty desperate in order to bargain with him.

"Fine. But you owe me." Ron said with a sigh.

"Whatever Weasley." Malfoy muttered as if it didn't matter, but Ron detected a visible relaxation in Malfoy's shoulders.

"Why am I working with you?" Ron asked, slightly confused as he cut some Bottleroot.

"Why are you wearing girls clothing? It's just one of those great mysteries I suppose." Malfoy muttered.

"I'm only wearing this because Dumbledore made me. And for your information-"

"Look Weasley, this was the only way I could talk to you alone. Anyway, you shouldn't partner up with people you're dating."

"Why not?"

"What do you suppose would happen if you and Seamus broke up and you were forced to work together again?" Malfoy asked.

Ron thought about that for a moment. He figured it would probably be worse than working with Malfoy. At least this way they could just get the job done and leave it at that. So in a way, Malfoy was looking out for him. That was an incredibly odd thought and Ron figured it would be best to just leave it alone for now.

"Why would Seamus and I break up? Besides who says we're together anyway." Ron asked, getting defensive.

"Well, you were making out with him in the Great Hall, or do you make a habit of kissing random people now?" Malfoy pointed out.

Ron glared but decided to move on.

"You still didn't answer why Seamus and I would break up." Ron pointed out.

"I'll leave that one for you to figure out." Malfoy said, lowering the temperature on the cauldron.

Ron studied Malfoy as he started to crush the beetles. His brows were furrowed and every once in a while he ran a hand through his hair in concentration. Ron never noticed it before but he saw a scar running along the side of Malfoy's neck. Unconsciously Ron rubbed his own scar, running along his collar bone.

Malfoy looked over at him and Ron quickly looked back to what he was doing. Frowning slightly he realized he'd been trying to crush his thumb instead of the beetles. Blushing he quickly went back to crushing beetles hoping Malfoy hadn't noticed. If Malfoy had he didn't say anything, which confused Ron even more. Of course he was also confused why he even cared if Malfoy noticed or not.

When he was done crushing the beetles he measured them out and poured them into a vial, handing it to Malfoy. Malfoy took it carefully, their fingers brushing, sending a weird tingly feeling through Ron's fingers. Ron told himself it was just repulsion of having to work with a Malfoy.

"So, have you found a new team captain yet?" Ron heard himself ask.

'_Wait, what are you doing?' _Ron's brain screamed.

"Uh…yeah." Malfoy answered, frowning at Ron.

"Who?" Ron's mouth was on autopilot now.

'_No, stop while you still can!!' _Ron's brain screamed, frantic now.

"Um…me."

"Really, did you get the badge this summer?"

'_No, please stop!!'_

"Um…yeah?" Draco's voice was questioning now.

'_Draco, since when was he Draco?'_

"How was your summer?"

'_I'm begging you, If you stop now, I won't give you perverse thoughts for a week!'_

"It…was…fine." Draco seemed to be struggling with himself now.

"Mine was alright. I got a new pet. I thought it was a weasel when I went into the store but apparently it's a ferret. I always used to think they were ugly but he'd actually pretty cute. I named him Indigo because his eyes are blue."

His brain had apparently given up on shutting him up by now and was, instead, trying to drown him out.

'_We wish you a merry Christmas, We wish you a Merry Christmas, WE WISH YOU A MERRY CHRISTMAS AND A HAPPY NEW YEAR! SHUT UP SHUT UP SHUT UP!!!'_

"Do you like ferrets, Malfoy? I do, I never used to but I supposed I do now. They don't look that much different from weasels actually. Have you ever seen a prairie dog, I have. I'm not sure where but I have. I also saw a penguin at the zoo once. I was walking along than I spotted it and I went over to the cage and it threw up it was really gross. Than I was walking down the street one time and this bird pooped on my head. It was really disgusting. There were seeds in my head and I took a shower and everything but like a week later I remember touching my head and -oomph" Ron's tirade was interrupted by a hand slamming onto his mouth.

"Weasley, I'm begging you not to finish that." Malfoy said.

'_Oh sure, you listen to him.'_

Ron closed his mouth slowly, lips rubbing against Malfoy's hand. Part of Malfoy's finger got caught between Ron's lips and instinctively Ron sucked on it lightly. Malfoy gasped and pulled his hand away. Ron gulped and closed his eyes.

'_Please tell me you didn't do that. This is what happens when you let your penis control your movements. You start sucking on Malfoy's fingers.' _

Ron's eyes flew open and a look of shock was frozen on his face at the implication of what his brain just thought.

"Weasley!" Snape's voice boomed from behind him.

Ron turned around, his body and brain numb.

"Uhhh." Was the only thing he could get out of his mouth.

His entire body had frozen. He was looking at Snape but not seeing him, he was listening to Snape but not hearing him.

"…Weasley, are you listening!!" Snape yelled.

Ron opened his mouth and let out a gurgle.

Snape looked at him with raised eyebrows.

"Malfoy what happened to him?" Snape said turning to Draco.

Ron was still staring at the place where Snape used to be, except now it was just air.

"Uhhhh…." Draco said awkwardly.

"You didn't drug him did you?" Snape asked suspiciously.

"No! He…uh….I….don't see any difference in him Professor." Malfoy said, rubbing the back of his neck.

The Slytherins, thinking it was a joke, laughed and sneered.

Snape rolled his eyes at the both of them and, rubbing his temples, walked back to his desk.

"Weasley?" Draco asked, standing in front of him.

"Prrrrrrrrrr."

'_Did I just Purr?!"_

"Weasley, did you just Purr?!"

"Prrrrrr, meow."

"Malfoy, what the hell did you do?" Harry said.

He'd come over to get some extra ingredients from the supply closet when he heard Ron making cat noises. Dismissing the fact that Ron had partnered up with Malfoy he tried to find any reason as to why Ron was- Wait, was he **_PURRING_**?!

"I didn't do anything!" Draco said defensively.

"Er, Ron?"

"Vroom, Vroom." Ron said, going cross eyed.

"I think he's finally lost it." Malfoy muttered.

Harry grabbed his wand and waved it. Suddenly a bunch of water landed on top of Ron, soaking him.

Ron's eyes straightened out and he shivered. His hair lay around his head, soaked, as water ran down his body, clinging to his drenched dress.

"Oh god!" Ron muttered, clutching at his head.

"I'm just…gonna…go." Harry said, walking away.

"Er…Weasley."

"Let's just finish the potion." Ron said.

Ron visibly relaxed as he left the potions classroom. Going into the bathroom he pulled out his old school uniform, which he'd carried around in hopes of getting away with dressing like a boy.

Removing the dress he pulled on his pants and shirt. Stepping out of the stall he looked at him self in the mirror and sighed contently. Suddenly a pop was heard and Ron let out a scream. His pants had changed into a skirt and his shirt a blouse. A letter floated down to the ground and Ron bent down and picked it up, realizing that he was still wearing the heels so he would have looked ridiculous anyway. Glancing down at the letter Ron sighed.

_No easy outs Mr. Weasley_

_-Dumbledore_

"Dammit."

A/N: I hope you enjoyed!! This was 8 pages long!! Yay!!


	3. Cupid and gold sparks

**A/N: Yes, Chapter 3!!! And More Review responses!!**

**Lalala: Yay!! I'm glad you love the story!! And Ron's definitely bottom!! I totally agree about the Draco/Ron thing!! So uber hot together!!! Have another cookie!!! And Jealousy may arise (hint hint)!!**

**Midnight 808: Thank you so much!! The fic love's you too!! Have another cookie!!!**

**Mama: Thanx! I was in sort of a random mood! I have no idea where the Ron purring thing came from, it was kind of a random event for me, but I'm proud of it either way! Anyway, Have another Cookie!!**

**Talley67: Yes!! Ron definitely needs someone to control the wild beast within him!!!……..Is it just me or did that sound cheesy and wrong at the same time? ……er…..Have another cookie!!!! Yay, cookies all around!!!!!! Just call me the COOKIE FAIRY!! …………….I should stop shouldn't I?**

**Right……CHAPTER THREE**

Days passed fairly uneventfully for Ron, or as uneventfully as they can when you're attending a boarding school for wizardry and dressing in drag. It was now Friday and Ron relaxed at the thought of the weekend, hoping to get Dumbledore to let him dress like a boy, if only for a few hours.

Sighing Ron slipped on his mini red and black plaid skirt and black lace top. The house elves had appeared every day this week, with the absence of Dumbledore, with a wardrobe fitting a particular era or clique. They would style his hair and due make up, making sure everything was immaculately perfect before setting him free. Today they were going rocker punk.

They snipped his hair so it was stylishly choppy, with bangs that hung in front of his eyes, and they put on some dark, thick eye liner and shimmering lip gloss. Finally adding the last touch, chunky army boots and a black fabric wrist band with little metal squares running along it, the house elves disappeared, leaving Ron alone to the many ogling stares that usually proceeded the morning makeover.

Seamus, naturally, had gotten into the habit of watching the whole thing from his bed, wanting to be the first to see Ron in the morning (which usually resulted in a heavy make out session.)

When the house elves left Seamus jumped out of bed and leapt on Ron, tackling him to the ground and straddling his hips (A/N: There's going to be a lot of straddling in this story, just warning you.)

"Seamus." Ron chuckled. "You're going to ruin my make up."

"Ugh, are they at it again." Dean groaned out, rolling over in his bed and ripping open the covers, grumpily glaring over at them.

Harry got out of bed and made a dramatic show of covering his eyes with one hand while feeling around with the other.

"It's okay, I'm only taking a shower." Harry yelled. "No need to stop on my account."

"You better go take a shower to." Ron whispered, staring up at Seamus.

"Are you implying I smell?" Seamus joked before giving him a chaste kiss. "Yeah, I suppose I better."

"See you at breakfast."

"Alright." Seamus said, giving him another little kiss then getting up and talking excitedly to Dean about some muggle sport coming up in a few weeks.

Ron got up and headed down to the great hall.

Sitting himself down he scooped some food on to his plate and began to eat. A rustle of feathers distracted him from his food. (A/N: I kept spelling it foot, lol, reread the two sentences replacing the word food with foot, seriously, it's funny.) Ron looked up as a little owl swooped down towards him, almost toppling onto his plate as he landed clumsily. Ron looked down at him and realized there wasn't a letter attached to him. He was also dirty and windswept looking, rain and mud coating his feathers.

"Hey there little fellow." Ron cooed, feeding the owl some bacon.

The owl ate the bacon greedily as Ron began to fawn over the feathery bird. The bird closed its eyes peacefully as Ron rubbed its beak lightly.

"Aw, who's a good little birdie?" Ron muttered, letting the owl sip at his juice.

The other owls had long gone but Ron didn't seem to notice, being too distracted with the bird. The owl hooted and settled itself on Ron's shoulder, nipping at his ear playfully.

"Ron? What are you doing?" Harry asked and Ron looked up to see Harry, Hermione, and Neville staring at him like he was crazy.

"Oh, don't worry, he does that all the time, you ever wonder why it takes Hedwig so long to return when you send a letter to us. We can barely tear him away from her. It's not just owls either, he coddles over most animals, and he even does it to crookshanks when no one's looking." Ginny said from besides him.

"I do not!!" Ron exclaimed, though careful to keep his voice down so as not to scare the owl.

"Yes you do, I saw you feeding him treats and bits of cake under the table over the summer. And on the train, and in the common room, the dormitory, outside, and when you passed him in the hallway…" Ginny ranted on.

"So that's why he's been gaining weight?!" Hermione glared, though amusement was evident in her voice.

"Okay, fine, I like crookshanks, so?!" Ron said, going back to petting his owl.

"Oh, it's fine to like him Ron; it's just not okay to fatten him up." Hermione said, and everyone took a seat.

"Oh, this one time I walked outside and saw him feeding the garden knomes." Ginny said and the rest of lunch was spent sharing stories about Ron and his fondness for animals.

After breakfast Ron headed to Care of Magical Creatures, the owl still on his shoulder, chirping happily and nipping at his ear.

Ron settled down cheerfully on the ground with the rest of the Gryffindors and petted the owl, which flew down and settled on his lap.

"Do you have a name little guy?" Ron asked, looking at the owl. "More importantly do you have an owner?" Ron said, talking to the owl as if it could understand him. Ron looked at him critically, having been too distracted at breakfast to really get the chance. "I think I'm gonna call you……Valentine." Ron said happily.

"Why Valentine?" Hermione asked.

"Because…." Ron muttered blushing a bit.

"Why?" Hermione asked, smiling at his antics.

"Because Valentines is my favorite holiday." Ron murmured.

"I never knew that." Harry said.

"Really, since when?" Hermione asked.

"Since always, it's just that no one ever made a big deal out of it so I figured there was no point in making a fuss over it."

"Well I think it's sweet." Hermione said and looked down at the owl. She leaned over and stroked the bird.

Harry sat kind of awkwardly at the side and Ron furrowed his brows, concerned for his friend, but he decided to discuss it with him later.

"Where'd you get the bird?" Seamus asked, sitting down and looking flushed.

"Oh, he just showed up during breakfast, no letter or anything. I named him Valentine. He could use some cleaning up but-"

"Shhh, class is starting." Seamus hissed.

Ron felt a bit hurt but turned to the front. Hermione scooted closer to him and took his hand in hers, smiling at him reassuringly. Ron felt grateful that she noticed when he was hurt and resolved to make more time for his friends. Over the last week or so they'd been spending less time together and Ron felt sort of bad that he'd been neglecting them.

Ron squeezed back and gave her a grateful smile petting Valentine.

"Alrigh' class; Today we're goin' to be splittin' inter groups a three an' I'm gonna assign you all an animal to take care of. Yer going ter be takin care of 'em for a month of so, so learn as much as you can abou' 'em. Now off you go." Hagrid instructed and the class began to split into groups like they were told.

Ron walked over to Hermione and Harry, joining up with them.

"Hey guys." He greeted.

"Hi."

"So, what anim-" Ron was interrupted by a hand on his shoulder.

Ron turned and saw Seamus standing behind him.

"Hey, luv, we need someone else in our group so…."

"Oh, so you thought I'd conveniently abandon my friends to join up with you?"

"Look, Ron, if you want to go with him It's okay, we can-" Harry started.

"NO, it's not okay." Ron said to Harry then turned back to Seamus. "Sorry, _luv, _not gonna happen."

Seamus glared at him but walked away.

"Ron, you okay?" Harry asked.

"Yeah." Ron sighed and sat down on the ground with a huff.

"Ron, you alrigh'?" A gruff voice asked.

"Yeah, I'm fine Hagrid. So, what animal to you have for us?" Ron's face lit up as he stood excitedly, staring at Hagrid.

He saw a big crate in Hagrid's hand's and stared down at it.

"Ah, you guys got the…" Hagrid paused and opened the cage. A medium sized dog with brown floppy ears and wings came out. "The Flying Dog."

"Flying dog?" Hermione asked, looking at it critically.

"Yeah, lack of creativity on our part I s'pose." Hagrid muttered.

"Does he have a name?" Ron asked, bending down and petting him (the dog).

"No, couldn' think a' one. Oh, an' be careful, when he gets excited he shoots of love sparks."

"Whats?"

"Love sparks. They're gold. Make you fall in love with the first person you see. An' he's still young, so they can be slightly unpredictable. It takes a few years before they can fully gain control of when they shoot them off. It wears off after a couple of days but until then, well, you can guess."

"Cupid!" Ron exclaimed.

Hagrid, Hermione, and Harry looked over at Ron as if he were mad.

"I figured out a name for him, Cupid. It's perfect, he's got wings and he makes people fall in love."

"I never knew you liked Valentines Day this much before but now that I do it's a little scary." Harry said and received a smack in the head from Hermione while Ron just glared.

"Thas' actually a good name fer him, fits him." Hagrid said. "Well, I be'er go get the other groups set up, see ya."

"Bye!"

"So, what do we do now?" Ron asked.

"Think we just take care of him, you know, walks, food, that kind of stuff." Harry shrugged.

"Hey, Cupid, who's a good boy, who's a good boy, you are, you are." Ron cooed, petting the dog.

Cupid wagged his tail and licked Ron's face, running around excitedly.

The lesson was going well until Sirius came running down to the care of magical creatures' class.

"Harry, I got the job! I'm going to be the new Defense Against the Dark Arts Teacher!" Sirius cried, jumping up and down.

"Really that's great!!"

"Yeah, I talked to Dumbledore about it a few days ago, he had to consult the Ministry about it and everything since…well, you know, but I got the job!! Whoa, Ron." Sirius froze when he saw Ron.

"Long story, we'll talk later. But you got the job, that's great!!" All the while cupid had been jumping up and down, barking and running around Harry and Sirius.

Suddenly Harry and Sirius froze while Hermione and Ron backed away, staring at the gold sparks surrounding the two in horror. Slowly the sparks faded while the students in the class, everyone else having paused what they were doing when they'd hear the ruckus, watched, holding their breaths.

"Um, Ron, I'd run if I were you." Hermione advised when she noticed Sirius staring at him with lust.

"I could say the same for you, Mione." Ron muttered when he saw Harry looking at Hermione, eyes glazed over.

They both screamed and took off running, Sirius and Harry chasing after them.

"Well, this week just keeps getting better doesn't it." Ron gasped out to Hermione who was beside him.

"It could always be worse, At least in this state they can't think very well." Hermione gasped.

"Wait." Ron said, stopping and grabbing her arm. "Couldn't we just stun them?"

"OH, right." Hermione muttered and they both pulled out their wands and turned.

BAM!! Too late!

Sirius and Harry collided with them, tackling them to the ground.

"Oomph." Hermione wheezed and let out a pained groan as she made contact with the ground.

"Ow." Ron moaned, cringing.

"Petrificus Totalus." A voice yelled and Sirius froze.

The spell repeated again and Harry froze as well.

Hermione and Ron let out a sigh of relief and got up, pushing the bodies off of them as they did. Ron, expecting a teacher, looked up and saw Malfoy putting his wand away. The Slytherins stared at him in shock and disgust, as if he betrayed them.

"Geez Malfoy, what are you a Mudblood lover now." One of the Slytherins sneered.

"No, I would have been more than happy to leave them at the disposal of Potter and Black but for the sake of my breakfast I decided to stop it. Of course if you want to watch the Gryffindor porn fest be my guest." Malfoy sneered gesturing to the stunned forms on the ground.

The other Slytherins looked ashamed of their actions and Malfoy glared at them.

"Well, seeing as how this lesson seems completely useless, I think I'll be going. Weasley, take care of your fucking dog, lord knows what might happen if it starts farting sparks at people again."

A few people chuckled at the crude language but most people seemed to be numb in shock.

Ron looked around and then ran after him, Valentine and Cupid following.

Draco walked to the castle, intent on taking a nap before Defense Against the Dark Arts. Draco stopped when he heard someone running up behind him. Draco turned and saw Ron running towards him.

"Dammit Weasley." Draco yelled. "You do realize I'm going to have to explain you running after me to the Slytherins later."

"Sorry, I just wanted to thank you for what you did back there." Ron said, appearing nervous.

"What? Insulting you, no problem." Draco said, continuing to walk.

"NO, you know what I mean." Ron muttered, following behind him.

"Keeping Black from raping you in the middle of Care of Magical creatures' class? That was for my own benefit. No matter how perfect Malfoys' are we still get sick." Draco sneered.

"You don't have to act like you hate me now, the other Slytherins aren't around." Ron said, falling into step beside him.

"Who said I was acting?"

"Come on, Draco, I know you're acting, ever since Tuesday you-"

"Ever since Tuesday there was a chance you could give me Detention. You know the rules, once a detention's been taken away for two days it can't be put back, and guess what, it's been four days." Draco sneered.

"So, this week was all an act?!" Ron asked the hurt evident on his face.

"OH, what's wrong Weasley; did you start to think I actually cared? You Gryffindors are all the same, willing to believe in anything aren't you?" Draco continued to ridicule Ron.

"You know, I've learned to expect a lot of things from you Malfoy but, I have to be honest here, I didn't think you were this cruel. You're father would be proud; after all, that's what you want isn't it. You're fathers little puppet, I bet you and him will laugh about this over winter break wont you?! You know what, my family may be poor, and we may have problems but at least I don't have to earn my father's love." Ron spoke, though his voice was shaky.

Draco's face hardened.

"Shut up Weasley. Besides, why do you even care, it's not like you give a crap?!"

"I don't give a crap?!" Ron exclaimed, looking indignant. "You used me as a pawn in your little and I don't give a crap?!"

"Come on Weasley, you and I both know you don't care."

"I don't care?! Than how come I was so willing to forgive you?! How come I know that you furrow your eyebrows when you concentrate, or that when something makes you sad you rub the scar running along your neck?! When you're happy the corners of your eyes crinkle even though you never smile, or at least not when you're walking around school. When you feel threatened you automatically go for your wand. Blaise and Pansy are your real friends but for some reason you feel obligated to hang out with Crabbe and Goyle, even though they'd prefer to hang out with Theodore Notts. You act all high and mighty though you'd prefer not to because it makes your dad happy and that's all you ever wanted, was your dad to be happy with who you are. No one in the world can make you submit faster than your dad, even though you don't like to show it. No, you're right, I don't care. Oh, and you should do what you did in fourth year with your hair, gelled just makes you look like a pompous ass, of course, that's what you're going for isn't it?" Ron sneered before walking away, tears evident in his eyes.

Draco stared after him in shock before heading to the Slytherin dormitory. Draco sighed as he entered the dorm, leaning against the door and sliding to the floor, elbows resting on his knees and head in his hands. Tears started streaming down his face as he remembered the look of sadness Ron gave him.

Ron sighed as he turned the corner leaning against the wall and sliding to the floor, elbows resting on his knees and head in hands. Tears started streaming down his face as he remembered the look of contempt Draco gave him.

Valentine flew and landed on his shoulder as Cupid licked his face, whimpering at the sadness there. Ron smiled slightly and sniffed.

"It was silly of me wasn't, to think he cared. I mean, I have a boyfriend, I should be more dedicated to Seamus shouldn't I?" Ron determinedly wiped his eyes and got up. "Come one Valentine, let's go give you a bath."

Draco settled into bed a few hours later, tugging his quilt up to his chin and snuggling against his pillows. Closing his eyes it wasn't long before he fell asleep.

_Draco walked down the hallway, carrying a towel and some chocolate frogs. A portrait of a mermaid came into view and Draco whispered the password ('Weasley's hot') and entered the bathroom. Bending down he set his towel down on the ground and turned on the taps. Draco took a sexy pose as bubbles and water slowly filled the bathtub. This went on for about 5 minutes before dream Draco grabbed a hammer and slammed it against the pipe, which fell off and water sprayed out of the whole. When the bathtub was full Draco grabbed the Hammer and shoved it into the whole. Wiping his forehead he resumed his sexy pose and waited. He continued to wait for a very long time, okay actually it was 5 seconds but time seems longer to Malfoys. Suddenly Ron Weasley showed up in the doorway and began to strip his way to the bathroom._

"_Hey, Ron, want to come in, there's……bubbles." Draco said seductively, or as seductively as you can say that._

_Ron lowered himself into the bathtub and made his way towards Draco. Their lips were only inches apart and then, suddenly, out of nowhere, to everyone's great surprise, to no one's expectations, a hammer, the very same that Draco plugged the pipe with, came flying out of no where and hit Ron in the head. As you can probably imagine he died instantly. Okay no he didn't, just became unconscious and fell in the water. And **then** he died. Draco, still with his lips puckered turned to the pipe where water came spraying at him, in great amounts. The force knocked Draco out of the tub and into the wall. He was knocked out and slid down slowly, very slowly, and his body made a screeching noise as he slid down. Finally, twenty minutes later, he was halfway down the wall. Then, after forty minutes he was mostly down the wall. Then, after five minutes he was almost to the floor. Then after another ten minutes he was only- oh screw it, alas, three hours later, he hit the floor with a thump. Okay, it wasn't three hours, only a couple of seconds, but, like I said, time passes slower for a Malfoy._

Draco snapped up inbed, breathing heavy, and oddly turned on. Okay, since Draco's starting to freak me out I'm switching back to Ron, at least he's semi-normal.

Ron sat in the bathroom scrubbing Valentine up and down.

Malfoy walked into the bathroom, drool coming down his chin at the sight of Ron scrubbing the owl. A light blush came on his face and- **Okay you know what, the end, we're done. This is getting to weird. Just pretend I ended the chapter at Ron crying and talking to his animals. **

**Next chapter will be more normal, I can assure you.**


End file.
